My journey has been such a profound, personal experience and I haven't gone into much detail on this blog. But I can tell you that yesterday, a huge piece of a puzzle came together. A lot of this journey for me has been about family of origin and boundaries, about forgiveness and freedom, about loving without giving myself away, and honoring the divine within without looking for external validation.
Yesterday I spent over 4 hours in mediation with my ex-husband over financial matters. This has been going on (dragging on) since last October and has weighed heavily on my emotional and physical body. There were times when I couldn't even deal with all the paperwork and legal communication that needed to be done. And the cost of all of this has been weighing on me as well. I felt deeply that my ex-husband needed to have this legal "battle" with me - to keep us engaged in a power struggle - and so he could feel that "justice was served."
Over the months, I went through the gamut of feelings, but as of yesterday, acceptance was my biggest emotion. Acceptance and inner strength. And that is what I brought to our meeting. There were a few moments of tense emotion, but overall, it was uneventful and eventually settled and papers were signed. In the years since we have been divorced, I unconsciously hoped that my ex would come to see me as a good person; as someone worthy of respect. I don't think that will ever be the case (maybe yes, maybe no) but what I have been letting go of is the need for him to see me as such. And that feels like freedom to me. And I'm basking in it today.
xoxo
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