Day Nineteen

Stage 6: Fall From Grace

"You lose touch with the new gifts and experience the consequences of overconfidence and a sense of dryness or loss of contact with your Source."

Well...this can happen. It's happened to me. Anytime I lose contact with Source, I can spin out of orbit. There is a quote that keeps echoing in my head today: Am I acting out of Love or Fear? Earlier this morning, I was wracked with fear, and I felt jittery and ungrounded. After I sat (literally made myself get still) and speak the fear out loud, and have a cry, I felt re-connected to Source, and immediately more peaceful.

I am having a lot (a lot) of young, childhood pain come up for me on this journey - pain I believe I have dissociated from for over 35 years - and it is quite painful/shameful to experience in the moment. But I hope I can remember that there is always more internal calm once I let it out.

Sometimes I think I am fearful and jittery when I am avoiding the old pain. On a nervous system level, it feels 'wrong' to go to that painful place (an old, old belief.) I have to stop and keep reminding my 43 year old self that I am strong enough, well enough, to face the old pain. I am grateful for this "housecleaning" opportunity!!! It is a blessing.

Blessings to you - and happy baby boy to Aiyana and Thomas!!! What wonderful news!